It’s kinda funny how one moment you can go from booking trips and downing beers at an English pub with the man you think you’re going to marry to being rushed home to have your whole world flipped upside down within weeks.
I was up and down, yes and no, do I or don’t I about writing this especially because all I normally write about is travel related and i’m big on keeping my personal life, private but life has a funny way of flipping shit for no reason. The thing I loved most about living overseas was that I got the opportunity to put myself out of my comfort zone every single day and since being back I haven’t had that feeling, until now. Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud and I think, for many people that’s okay but without being confident to write this down I would be losing a piece of myself and that’s the last thing not only me but Dad would have wanted me to do.
Cancer sucks. That’s the only thing I know for sure and the only thing I can agree with in this whole situation. It shouldn’t happen and for some unbeknown reason it seems to only happen to the best of the best. Dad fought for over a year a half with four different types of cancers and didn’t give up until the very end. He never once complained and always wanted to hear about everyone else’s days as he didn’t want to “bore people” with everything that he was dealing with. In my opinion, that speaks volumes for the type of man he was and always will be.
This won’t be about Dad. It’ll be more of a “hey I need to vent and I don’t care who reads this because…well I just don’t care very much”. I’m still expecting my Dad to walk through the front door and come and give me a huge hug and until that day comes that I realise that will never happen again, I need to keep living day to day as he would have wanted us all to. He was the most caring and generous man I ever met and I’m so glad that I get to share so many of his qualities and to proudly be my father’s daughter.
Then you have the more toxic side of the world, the side that only care for themselves and put themselves in front of people who need their attention more then they show. From being around this though, a huge silver lining has appeared. In this day and age, social media isn’t everything. People only show the good, not the bad. Everyone is so worried about how they are perceived online that they forget who they are and in turn lose their selves.
I was told recently that sometimes life doesn’t want to give you something that you want. Not because you don’t deserve it but because you deserve more. When something terrible happens, you have three choices. You can let it define who you are. You can let it ruin you or you can let it strengthen you. It’s no secret that life has thrown curveball after curveball the last couple of years but I will refuse to let, the last three moments in my life define or ruin the woman I’ve become over the last year and half especially.
I understand that everyone has their own issues and life can be super messy but at the end of the day I am a huge believer in that how you act towards other people speaks more about the kind of person who you are then it does about them. To have someone the day before Dad passing saying to not only me but my family that they will always be here to radio silence isn’t a normal thing. Life’s not easy. Relationships aren’t easy. Shit will happen now and shit will continue to happen, that I can promise you. You can either stick around when times get tough or you can leave. That’s the bottom line. I don’t and I will never truly understand why some people leave you blindsided but I won’t be the kind of person to hold a grudge as I left that behind when I moved and I will find the silver lining as this was and will continue to be a huge learning moment.
In one week I lost a job (meh), ghosted (I’m a true millennial now…*said in Pinocchio’s voice*) by the man I thought I would be spending my life with (kinda meh) but more importantly (the only truly shitty, most gut wrenching and awful thing in the hindsight of life) my father and my best friend.
Everyone keeps telling me how to be feeling and that they don’t know how to act around me. If I’m dealing with this and if I’m able to put it behind me and not let it affect me…well not let it affect me yet at least then it shouldn’t affect you.
In saying that though here are your top two fun facts for your Thursday;
1. DON’T TELL ME HOW TO FEEL, I’ll hit the next bitch who does that again. (thnx though for caring but no thank you.)
2. Don’t treat me any differently.
I don’t want a pity party and I don’t want people treating me differently. Already people have started to act different or say things like “I heard this and I heard that”. If it didn’t come from my mouth, don’t repeat it or here’s something new and exciting, just come up to me or whatever person you’re talking about and ask them yourself if you care that much to talk about them. #Canberra
In the words of a young Disney star “it’s not about how fast I get there, not about what’s waiting on the other side, it’s the cliiiiiimmmmmmmmbbbbb” (bonus points for quoting the Hannah Montana movie!) Now if someone can send me some zooper dooper cool places to hit on a road trip of the east coast of Australia I’ll love you forever and a day for it!